Traveling to my parents house today has given me plenty of time to think and ponder my life. I am someone who dislikes strongly inward focused processing or evaluation or ponderings or reflection. My focus needs to be anywhere but at me...I would rather be helping people and giving to people than giving or helping myself more often than not. And at times this leaves me lonely and wanting more...I do not know what I even enjoy doing at times cause I have not taken the time to reflect inwardly. Today gave me a few of those moments and I was able to capture some of them with my camera on my phone. Don't tell anyone but I was taking pictures while driving, I know dangerous but I love living adventures.
On hwy 70 driving from KC to STL traffic was full and I kept looking at my rear view mirror and watching what was coming up or watching what I had missed. I kept looking back. The thought occurred to me how often I look back and wonder "what if", what if...I had... tried harder, exercised more to lose weight, given everything, shared my feelings, stopped for a moment to smell the flowers, pick another path, jumped when I just stood there, said what i really meant, been someone else, somewhere else...this list and others like it can go on forever and leave me feeling lonely and depressed. My focus is all distorted and I keep looking at past events to dictate future ones or to not even try in the future for "already knowing what will happen in the future".
Picture #1--regarding the past
Picture #2--not there yet
The past should not be relived over and over but looking from side to side is not much better. We are not looking ahead to what is next but rather we look to others to fulfill our needs and desires, and only get a small glimpse of what is ahead. Although in this photo you can slightly see the road a head of me but the majority is of the road behind. Funny how when you are looking to the sides you are seeing mostly the past and not the future. Sideways glancing will be limiting as well.
picture #3--intimidating triumph
Even when our eyes are focused front the road may seem difficult and unmanageable...the clouds a head look intimidating, there are cars who may or may not be as quick as I am, there are certain unknowns that I have to encounter and chose to live in the "what ifs" or look at those situations and think, "I made a decision and I chose to live by it, and yes it could have gone differently but I will never know the outcome, so why dwell on the "what ifs" and start living the adventure in the here and the now."
The future is laden with opportunities disguised as the ups and downs of life, it is how we chose to accept this adventure that will determine our outlook.
What picture would you like to see?
