My heart is heavy as I write this. People told me that cross roads would come during my time in Ireland and I fully expected them. To tell you the truth, I welcome them because these are moments when not only my character is better defined but my strength in God. Although, each time an opportunity arises to face these challenging moments, I want to shrink back and hide in a corner. I want to run instead of facing these challenging times. Why do I run into a corner, when I KNOW I have the biggest contender on my side?
As I sit and write these thoughts…it is more for personal reflection and also for who knows what…basically I am trying to be honest with people back home, when they ask, how is Ireland? What is going on there? And how is ministry stuff going? All of which I can and would answer, Fine. But this word drives me insane sometimes and is not necessarily exactly how I am feeling…rather it is apathy! It is not taking ownership of what is truly going on in my mind! I could be seething at someone and I would simply say, “Oh, I am fine!” Why? Why would I not try to express my feelings and get over them? (To clarify…I am not upset with anyone currently, just enjoyed the word seething.)
I must say at times I have become frustrated with myself and the system of church in Ireland. Please do not get me wrong, I love my friends and the church here but I have allowed some humanly influences rather than God’s to enter my mind at times. People can be interested in numbers and what needs to be accomplished but God is not interested in those things and so I should not be as well. God is interested in relationships, relationships with His chosen creation. RELATIONSHIPS are huge in God’s eyes and how often I look to fulfill the system and not God’s true calling.
In the very beginning of the Bible, God created man to dwell with him and to enjoy His creation! God gave us an invitation to join in relationship with Him! He is wonderful and we got to come along for the ride! J It makes me so happy to think about how special we are in the eyes of God! I love seeing all of His beauty around me!
I am just pondering some thoughts out in the open! Or just the wonderings of my mind…which can be a truly scary place, even for me sometimes!
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I DESIRE TO FOLLOW GOD AND NOT MAN, NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT THE ROAD SHALL GET FOR ME, EVEN WITH HUMANITY! I hope to glorify God with my life and my every action, His name be praised!
